The most perfect and beautiful rewards is in me.
The reward that I have been waiting for is right here right now.
It is to recognize that I am the most sparkling masterpiece,
uncomparable to any piece in the world because there is only one of me.
Miracle is Me
Recently I realized I was motivated by a power, a power that was ultimately, not positive. That motivation came from the desire to be rewarded. The desire to be accepted to the people with no faces, or even people that I know their faces like parents, friends, and finally…. myself. I knew this overwhelming power residing in me for the longest time, and I can say this was the strongest aspect that has moved me go forward. However, I realized, the voices in my head that was endlessly saying:
“You need to be rewarded”
“People need to know your effort”
“That person does not accept your talent”
“You are this bit away from perfection”
That these voices were nothing but telling me that
“You are not enough.”
It was a blunt lie that was dragging me into a complete disaster because in this world that is not pat of me, nothing is called the perfect reward. We will forever be thirst for that reward, that fortress, that peace, that comfort… until we see inside us. The miracle does not happen external from me. It happens inside me and it is already there. This wintering collection was a solitary, lonely, cold journey during my winter break to really find that miracle.
The world, the parents who lived a different generation than us, the social media, is creating a faux imagery about reward and as an artist I want to pursue a different path than that. Of course, reward means the equal amount of money, compliment, and treasure that could substitute from our effort and labor. However, I do not believe that such reward ends from a physical manner but internally. A true reward should redirect our perspective towards our heart, our being, our existence, and the gifts that we have already possessing. At the end of the day as an artist, I wonder what the true reward is and I desire to let go of the true gift that is already in me.
Mirabel
This collection was special because it was started with no requirement from school nor a commission. I decided to create this collection just for myself. This fact changed the whole meaning of the work. It did not require any rewards of finishing the deadlines or being paid for a commission. The result was mere works done. And the artist. Who is just, me.
The days with this collection was a bit different because had the movie Encanto be a lovely company. The story of Mirabel directly connected to my color choices of mauve purple and the fantastical golf leaves to reflect the sparkles of the stars in the scenes. Mirabel is the only one without the gift of magic in the house. Because she does not have that gift of magic that everyone has, she always feels guilty somehow not being a help to the family. But at the end, Mirabel herself becomes the “key” and the “door” that rebuilds the Casa of the home of her family. She had no special talent of painting or flying or power, but just herself to become that key. She was the miracle itself. Nothing more. This message is the core message that my collection is offering.
As an artist, I have to admit that what I create defines me. I am intimately connected to the works I make and they reflect who I am. Meaning, I always struggle that good works mean good artist myself. The value of the works I create becomes who I am. Even apart from art, the words I speak, write, the good deeds I try to show to the neighbors… it all defines me. However, Mirabel shows that it is not the fruits that I make that defines me. Even if they are good rewards such as payments, compliments, and support from the world, that does not equal to the reward which defines me.
Actually, the most beautiful masterpiece that already exists in me… is ME. The reward that I am waiting for, that is beyond beauty and accomplishment, is to recognize that the creator who created all these beautiful works. Only the beautiful vessel could create beautiful things. It means I am a beautiful being, just like the artworks. Actually, it’s incomparable because I remain as a creator no matter what and the artworks remain as the fruits. It is the fact that I am THE art, the ART itself, that cannot be replaced with any other rewards.
Encanto
I do still struggle of balancing myself between the voices of the world and the voices inside me. But this collection created an anchor in my heart that is slowly growing…And recognizing the ultimate purpose as an artist why I create.
Of course I create to share my eclectic, unique, fragile, stunning world that is in me to the people, but before I reach out to the world, it should be a purpose for myself: it is for me to recognize how genuine and unique existence I am through my works. When I recognize that through what I make, there is subtle healing, confidence, and ultimately, a reward that is eternal.
