The Woman at the Well

Dear Samaritan Woman

This story is in the New Testament, and it was the core story of my final collection in my Masters Program of Fashion Photography. The Samaritan woman is at the well, in the middle of nowhere, came from the neighborhood to get the water back home. She sees Jesus, and gives him water. She had men in past, even in present she says she does not have anyone. Jesus offers her a living water that will never run dry. She throws away the bucket and goes to the neighborhood to tell people that she has met the savior. The rain represents a similar thing to rain shower in spring, something so accidental but welcoming. The bird is about to either fly away for a shelter, or flying in closer to the woman from the rain. Either or the movement of the bird represents new life and new motion.

Art Vlog

Garden of Madam Proust

Hana

This work was right in between first start of mixed media art and the second push which I had a specific style. It did seem like it had a lot of things I want to test and trial, and I think it was not an easy push because it seemed like I was pushing to the uncertainty. Plus, this was 11 x 17 inch size which was larger than my usual working size. But funny story after working on bigger size it was definitely harder for me to go back small. This work was meaningful to me as it was a certain marking point to have Hanbok design and Asian figures show dominant in my paintings. I was in the midst of finding my specific color already in the mixed media art and I was leaning towards more into the roots of my nationality. Even if I tried to make the work so ‘oriental,’ I realized how much western aesthetic I have in me that is constantly expressed because of my upbringing. It took time to embrace both with a settle balance, I am still in process, but it was a good practice to concern during my entire practice in the future as well.

Art Vlog

The Well

The Well

This was the second piece from the Bleeding Cloak. The only similarities is that it was in the same 48 x 48 inch wood panel, the difference is that the color palette was based from a foggy view of Chicago city view, and the whole imagery was from my mind, with no prototypes. I wanted to use more fabric than before which I brought out a big roll of vintage fabric I got at the vintage mall in Valley, Alabama (my favorite playground!). To be honest I did not know the final imagery was going to be a close connection to the original photograph narration, which was the story of the woman who met Jesus at the Well in Samaria. The dripping paint was something I did unconsciously over and over again and it happened here also. And seeing the dripped paint on her shoulders on the fabric gave me a push to make that drips more dramatic and emotional. By printing the front hand again and sticking in front of the fabric made her come out of the surface, which made me paint over the tips of the landscape to give that magical, foggy, amazon-looking, background that I love.

This work is very meaningful because I have drawn out the exact same story from the photograph, into a mixed media form. The story remains the same, but the medium changed and it brings different reactions. Depending on how you see, she may be in the midst of salvation, or right before receiving the water of living life. Also it was fascinating to see how elegant the work turned out with the color palette of cityscape, which I do not like too much (I am such a suburb girl). The expansion of colors are just unlimited.

Coincidently, I had been working with a clothing design lab in Atlanta to prepare for my boutique. This was my second sample, and I did a two piece. With school I did not have time to surf the fabric store but I realized I had much fabric left in the roll, and took it to the lab for the second sample. And I realized before returning to Tulsa that I have a matching outfit with my artwork. How stunning!

Art Vlog

Thumbelina

Thumbelina

Thumbelina was one of the first fairy tales I encountered even before the Disney princesses. It was written by Hans Christian Anderson, just as other Disney princesses were written by, but the Thumbelina princess was never part of the Disney princess line because the first movie was created from Warner bros, not from Disney. I used to watch that movie so many times in my childhood in that small room of mine that had a window that could see the sunset with blue night skies. I still remember Thumbelina constantly singing in her chores, serving the grumpy frog family, and even under the stars under the moon light. I did not expect for such imagery to come out when I began this artwork, but I was happy to touch upon my first princess in my memories. Even though she was so small, she was brave to go out to the world and fly with the prince. And wow, now I think about it, the prince was small as her. Her bravery and consistency brought her to meet somebody that was just like her own, and she was able to create a new world that she only imagined.

Even though sometimes my abilities, my hope seems like a size of a thumb or smaller, the singing and the practice of finding joy in the moonlight should not stop. I believe the story of Thumbelina makes us question if we are wanting to see us as a small one, because the story we are supposed to carry is so vast and deep. If I remember correctly, at the end, Thumbelina gets pair of magical wings, just like the prince does. She is now free, and her life is not on the ground anymore. Whether or not we are tiny in size compared to the world or others, if we have wings, we are able to fly. And to become free. And I believe that is called Love. Spirit. And courage.

Behind the Scenes Youtube

Belluga

Belluga

This work was the most moving, active in action kind of a work. My figures are usually standing, day dreaming something… But from the work “Self Denial” I really wanted to repeat that diagonal composition, also the sway of the clothing and the wind. This was the first work after the first series, which I was very excited to challenge a different color palette with some additional element added to the figure. Using the fabric as the garment was another shift, as it added a huge 3-dimentional quality that I was looking for. I still think where I should make the garment as fabric, and which part of the garment as paper. Mentally in this stage of work I had a lot of energy to express. I just finished first few series and they felt like small babies. I was ready to push my limits and try something different, way different- to go beyond my repeating habits. I thought it was not the time to create focused vision, but to explore as much as possible. Just the fact of adding the background, fabric on garment, and belluga were a lot to digest and my energy was big enough to take all that into one.

As you will hear in the behind the scenes video, Belluga has that characters that I really want to resemble; they are vast, powerful, and free, but so pure at the same time. The freedom that they show in water is what I want to experience in my own art, and I believe that comes from just embracing and becoming just the way I am. Insecurity comes from not knowing who I really am, which confidence and freedom comes from the courage to really investigate and encounter who I am even though if that is flaws or strengths. It all connects as a person and an artist, and every time I see Belluga they always have that quality of being free of their existence. Plus the fact that they swim and dance in water is a joy to watch. I believe it is a similar act when I know myself as the way I am, and being okay about it. Then fears and traumas won’t be a huge issue to give up or neglect. Ah, I wish seeing those Bellugas again.

Behind the Scenes Youtube Video

The Bleeding Cloak

48inch x 48inch

Left is the prototype, 8 x 10, right is 48 inch wide and 48 inch tall. Yes, I have challenged to really big- it wasn’t my choice but it was the amazing assignment (laugh). I still remember the thrills I had as soon as the assignment was announced, the peers were mourning, but I was screaming inside. Because I have been waiting to make my mixed media go ALL OUT. And it was a surprising joy, to paint so much and be creative in a space that felt like limitless wide ocean.

Let me tell you the reasoning behind my two works. As an artwork that I work solely by myself and photography that usually needs a help of a third person in front of my lens. For the longest time photography was my best friend, who let me have companies that they would share their stories to me. Then I would share mine, and I could capture the essence of our presence together. Fashion was just a helper, the core was the company I needed to learn about the world, humanity, eventually, myself. Then this quarter I believe, I was pushed by all that courage that photography built upon me for the past ten years. If photography was like a stage for me where I could act and sing along my aesthetic melody to the audience, now it was time to really dive in and encounter myself in the mirror. Art is like mirror to me. It gives me a reflective space where I am able to see my shadows. My darkness. That’s what I wanted to do. Now I know, finally.

I actually do not know exactly why this was named Bleeding Cloak. Maybe the time period when I worked on this I was meditating about the bleeding women in the gospel, as she touches the cloak of Jesus she is immediately healed. The cloak/fabric part is very meaningful to me in this work, especially in the 48inch one, so hope the meditation, the joy of healing from Jesus- will be delivered.

Empowered

Empowered is the best word I could describe my figures in my artwork. In my photography, the dominant emotions that my females carry represents what I have; loneliness, regretfulness, longing, sadness, fear, insecurity, calmness… Photography is great and clear, but it still delivers only what it sees. So I transfer it through my painting. And my painting, mixed media medium, expresses what a female figure has beyond those emotions. It reflects on what I truly am beyond the past and traumas. It speaks as how empowered, powerful, holy, delightful, delicate, and beautiful I am. Yes, I create these artworks in realms of faith as it is written in Hebrews, as faith is believing the things that we cannot see. But I paint and create tangible things that are yet not to come, but already here. And that is me, that is you. The empowered, holy, enchanted creatures. The creation of this world.

내 작업에는 반복되는 요소들이 있다. 한복, 꽃, 빛, 사라져가는 형상, 바람, 옅은 톤, 반짝이는 눈, 같은것들이다. 내가 그리는 형상들은 내가 찍은 사진들에서 비롯되며 내가 찍은 형상들은 나의 깊은 감정을 내포하고 있다. 주로 그리움, 외로움, 후회, 갈망, 두려움, 불안함, 차분함, 같은것들이다. 사진에서는 그런 감정들이 모든 사진을 지배할 정도로 크지만, 나의 그림에 그 사진이 들어올 때 나는 그 형상을 감정을 느끼고 있는 그 이상의 존재로 바라본다. 그리고 그것을 그려내는 과정이 내 안의 그림자와 대면하고, 이겨내기 보다는 새로운 시선을 새기는 과정이다. 나는 고독하고, 눈을 마주치는것을 두려워하고, 후회되는 마음을 품고, 겁이 많은 존재이지만- 그 이상으로, 빛을 머금고 있고, 영적이고, 거룩하며, 힘있고 위대한 존재라는 것이다. 그것이 내 작업들의 형상이 말하는 전부이다. 보이지 않는것의 실상을 그리는것이 내 작업 가장 가운데 뿌리 깊은 곳의 목적, 믿음이다. 그리고 이 과정은 나에게, 그리고 보는 자에게, 엄청난 힘과 위력을, 소망을, 선사할것이라는 확신이 있다.

Mirror & Stage

거울과 무대. 요즘 학기가 마무리되어 가면서 나의 예술 작업에 대해서 많은 생각을 다시 해본다. 무엇이기에, 나는 사진 수업까지 잠시 중단하고 이렇게 무턱대고 뛰어들 수 있었을까. 이제야 조금 알것같다. 나는 나를 향한 거울이 필요했다. 페인팅은 오직 나를 들여다보는 거울을 해주었다. 그리고 놀랍게도 내가 카메라 밖에서 그리는 모든 여성들은 나를 보여지고 있었다. 강하고, 담대하며, 여리고 연약하나, 성스러움이 가득한, 영적이고 강인한 존재로 나는 나의 사진들을 다시 표기하고 있었다. 여태 사진을 해올 수 있었고 포기하지 않았던 이유는, 내가 타인과 소통할 수 있는 유일한 공간이기 때문이었다. 나와 누군가가 렌즈를 통해 함께 해주고, 우리는 카메라가 있기에 서로의 삶을 나누는것이 커피를 두고 나누는것보다 직접적이었고, 빨랐다. 그것이 나를 살게 했다. 누군가의 이야기를 듣고, 누군가가 나와 비슷하며, 다르다는것이, 내가 누구임을 조금씩 배우게 해주었다. 그렇다. 사진은 내 무대와도 같았다. 타인 앞에서 나의 이야기를 빛으로 풀어내고, 선사할수 있는 순간들. 그리고 타인의 눈빛, 리액션을, 바로 내가 직접 담을 수 있는 소중한 순간. 그 순간들이 길게 하나씩 이어지면서 나는 점점 용기가 생긴건지도 모른다. 이젠 정말 내 안의 그림자와 대면해야할 때를. 그리고 그것은 내 골방으로 들어가는것이었고 오직 내 안의 보이지 않는 음성을 팔레트로 내뿜는 일이었다.

Behind the Scenes Youtube Video

Unity

The Closest

There are different realms of close distance between you and me. We always think closer is the better. But as I repeat those relationships, I realize that the perfect, small, distance that we can find in between us is the golden rule. If we were meant to become one, we should have been born in one body. But we are created individually, and we live in different physical bodies in our lives. I believe God’s plan is not to separate us, but to find that perfect distance that make us feel actually united the most, incomparable to over-attachment. And as a human that is difficult to me, as I think finding that physical, mental distance requires respect, patience, and time. Interestingly, that starts with how I view my own self, how to give myself that own distance so I could breathe from people, the world, even myself. The true unity goes beyond just physical touch, but an eternal one.

The Hill of Calling

I am Korean

이번 학기 동안 새로운 사진 믹스미디어 작업을 하면서 나의 국적과 고향, 뿌리를 참 많이 되돌아보게 되었다. 작업이 진행되면 될수록, 나는 내가 갖고 태어난, 내가 선택하지 않은것들에 대해서 시선을 더 두기 시작했다. 그건 나의 국적이고 내가 생긴 모양이고 내 눈 색깔, 머리칼, 언어, 그런것들이었다. 그리고 그것을 얼마나 오랫동안 배타적으로 생각해왔는지도 깨달았다. 나는 얼마나, 나의 진짜 모습이라는것에 대해 진정으로 알고 받아들이는것을 두려워한것일까? 우리 모두가 그러하지 않을까? 특히 나는 어렸을때부터 외국에서 자라서 나의 자연스러움, 정말 내가 거저 얻고 태어난 것들에 대해서 쉽게 접하기가 어려웠다. 그러나 아이러니하게도, 오히려 모국과 너무 다른 곳에서 자라고 배운 나라서 나는 더더욱 나라는 사람에 대해서 관심을 가졌던것같다. 나와는 다르게 생긴 사람들, 나와는 다른 언어를 말하는 사람들 틈바구니 속에서 나는 정말 누구인지 알고싶어진것의 폭발지점이 믹스미디어 작업이다.

내가 선택하지 않은것들에는 많은것이 있다. 국적, 생김새, 성별, 재능, 달란트, 가족. 나는 달란트라는것을 그저 거저얻은 선물이라고 마음속에 다시 새기기 시작했을 때 내 모든것 중에 거저 얻은것이 아닌것이 단 하나도 없다는걸 깨닫기 시작했다. 조금씩, 나의 국적도, 생김새도, 성격도, 가족도, 과거도, 천천히, 나의 모든것을 이루고 있으며 나의 모든것의 중심되는 단 한가지를 말해주고 있다는것을, 나는 아직도 배우고 있다. 그리고 그 모든것에 대해 부끄러워하지 않는 연습도, 하고 있다. 나의 작업을 통해서.

그 중에서 나는 나의 국적이 아주 큰 부분을 차지한다고 느낀다. 다문화속에서 자란 나여서 그런가, 내게 정말 중요한 일부가 되어버린 문화라는것은, 우리 모두의 삶의 모든 부분에 영향을 끼친다. 우리가 미디어에서 보는것, 우리가 관계맺는 사람들, 우리가 다니는 교회, 먹는 음식, 모든것은 내가 어디서 왔느냐에서 영향을 받는다. 그리고 우리가 어디서 왔느냐는 인간이 본인의 삶에서 던져야 할 가장 궁극적인 질문이다. 우리가 온 곳이 있다는건, 우리에게 돌아갈 곳이 있다는것이고, 음식, 언어, 그 이상의 향수를 함께 공유하는 어느 공동체가, 이 땅에 존재한다는것이기 때문이다. 그리고 그 사실은 나에게 힘이 된다. 내가 온 곳이 있다는것은 육체적으로나 영적으로나 내게 깊은 안도감을 준다.

나는 진정한 아티스트가 되기 위해서는 그런 본인의 뿌리를 찾는 여정을 나갈 줄 아는 사람이 되어야한다고 생각한다. 그것이 누군가에겐 쉽지 않고 고단하고 또 두려운 일이 될 수도 있다. 어쩌면 누군가에겐 당연한 것인지도 모른다. 그러나 나는 문화적 영향이 얼마나 뿌리깊은지 평생 체험해온 사람으로서 영감에 얼마나 큰 임팩트가 될지도 안다. 그 탐험을 통해서 아티스트는 본인만을 찾는것이 아니다. 내 이웃을 다시 보게 된다. 공동체로 다시 돌아갈수 있는 힘을 얻게 된다.

The roots

This work I focused a lot on my Korean roots, intentionally. During my investigation of medium and style of my artwork, my origins and the cultural background really spoke to me. As a person living in so many countries growing up, not only my original roots are important but the multi-cultural quality that I have is all I have. It impacts my personality, my color palette, my subject matter, and emotions. I used to think cultural works are so mundane, cliche, and just historical, but I think again these days- the reason why they are meant to be in galleries- it’s because there are roots. Where millions, billions of people come from and could relate to. It means there are connections. History. And that is why it’s important.

I strive to become an artist who knows how to really explore that. To not be afraid to know where I exactly come from or what I am made of. Sometimes the most obvious things are the most important things in my life. Talent, nationality, appearance, sex, family, and religion. The mixed media art process for me is all about that. To remember what is really important to me, what makes me, and where I come from.

Modern Fields

Fields of Kilburn

I thought adding the original image adds way more fascination to enjoy the artwork. This photograph always comes back to my collection, because that field was my backyard in my flat in London. I used to sit in my white desk in front of one and only door/window of my flat and see the backyard, seeing the seasons change slowly with gratitude. I start to realize that the person in the photograph really impacts how I react to the choices of creating mixed media work. People with more memories give me a bit more confidence dealing with mediums, and I enjoy more. I guess it’s just inevitable.

Modern Modesty

요즘 작업에 대한 새로운 생각들이 든다. 즉, 나는 엄청나게 많이, 아주 많이, 작업을 하고 있다는 것이다. 오래 되어 케케묵은 생각들이 바뀐다는 것은, 같은 노동이지만 새로운 반복이 들어오면서 그것들이 조금씩 새로운것으로 대체된다는 것이다. 나는 거의 매일, 작업을 해왔다. 월,수, 는 아틀란타에 나가서 학교를 갔다 오면 하루가 다 가기 때문에 월, 수 오전은 맥북으로 작업할 수 있는 작업을 했다. 사진 보정이나 온라인 과제, 블로그에 글 쓰기, 소셜 미디어에 올리기 등등. 그 외 나머지 화,목,토, 는 오전에 책을 읽고 글을 쓰고, 말씀과 예배 후 오후 내내 작업 속에 살았다. 처음엔 손목이 욱신거릴만큼 빨리, 그리고 집중해서, 엄청 난 양을 쏟아냈다. 손가락 마디마디가 뜨거워지는 느낌은 생전 처음이었다. 내 손 끝으로 거친 페인트가 수많이 칠해졌다. 금요일은 자화상 컬렉션 촬영을 꼭 했다. 금요일이면 주말 전이라 그런지 동네가 시끄러웠지만 그 소음 속 내 방 안에서 이루어지는 창조의 순간들에 희열을 느꼈다. 일요일은 피아노 반주와 소그룹 참여, 귀한 예배로 마음이 녹고는 하여 집에 오면 꼭 몇시간씩 낮잠을 잤다. 그리고 유튜브 작업을 했다.

반복되는 작업, 창조의 시간들이 반복되었다. 그렇게 서서히 두려움이라는 것이 녹았다는 것이라고 생각한다. 그리고 수면에 빛나는 은은한 달빛처럼, 작업 그것 자체, 오롯이 순수한 창조의 느낌이 무엇인지 아주 조금 알것같았다. 그 기쁨은, 그 누군가가 돈을 주지 않아도, 그 누군가가 칭찬해주지 않아도, 그 누군가가 기억해주지 않아도, 나는 내 작업을 함으로 내가 행복한 사람이 된다는것이다. 나는 이 사실을 미술 학교를 늘 다니면서 단 한번도 나의 사실이라고 생각해본적이 없었다. 내가 너무 사랑하는것이기 때문에, 늘 불안함과 두려움이 무겁게 동반했다. 그러나 드디어, 이 사실이, 나의 것이 되려는것 같아서 나는 웅장한 울림을 느낀다.

그리고 더 놀라운 사실은, 내 예술은 나를 배신하지 않는다는것이다. 절대로. 사람은 마음을 주다가도 떠나고, 사랑한다며 미칠듯이 절절 매다가도 결국 말만 할 뿐이고, 세상은 권력과 돈, 명예, 성공을 보여달라며 유혹하며, 조직이 주는 직장은 불합리성에 굴복함을 요구한다. 그러나 예술은, 절대, 내가 죽는날 까지, 배신하지 않을것이라는것이다. 예수님만큼은 아니지만 이토록 한결같고, 위대하고, 뿌리깊은 것을 내가 이렇게 오랫동안 공부하고, 달려오고, 매진하고 있다는것에 엄청난 희락을 느꼈다.

I’ve been reading an essay review about Henry David Thoreau, yes, the Walden, by my favorite writer from Korea. I have not read the Walden yet but now I need to because she wrote her essay with such delicacy and power. The whole book summarizes to this; “What is your Walden?” Meaning, what is your secret place that makes you alive just as you are, pulls out the deepest possibilities that you have inside. Thoreau went into the woods of Concord and lived there for 2 years, and after that time he was able to write his legendary book. He was able to encounter his own world. Right now, I believe I am creating my own Walden. I have my own world that nobody could understand, even I don’t sometimes, but it is definitely a world. There is a world in my photography, video, artworks. And I believe, there, my possibilities arise without limits. That is where I breathe. And I invite everyone.

Self Lantern

Photography + Painting

This quarter has been so prolific, eye-opening, and a leap to my artworks. I’ve been always telling my friends that I just want to draw and paint on my photographs. I always felt that 2% lacking from my photographs, as not complete. These are just the first works of 20 paintings that I am finishing up soon, and the first 8 were done in two days with similar color palette. Being not bound to any medium is my freedom apart from photography- Photography is free in the means of going anywhere with the camera, but that is sometimes too physical to me. Being free with my tips of my hands in my studio table, in a small space but unlimited in my imagination, feels more free to me.

I did go back and forth between just painting figures and adding photography and collage- whilst praying, I had a genuine feedback from my painting professor to look back on my paintings emerged with my portrait photography. He said they had more “vitality.” Right after I got home the next day I poured all the inspirations, advice, thoughts I had for the last few days that had accumulated. I just love that pouring out point after some days past without creating, as I realize I spent those days just absorbing everything that surrounds me. It’s kind of like re-fueling and driving, and that comes naturally to me when it comes to art. Yes, I think I used to be obsessed with “I need to create every day every day-” but that naturally faded away as I realized I do work everyday, but in terms of progress. I do not need to finish anything, but as long as I moved one step towards a new exploration of medium and style, I am content.

Self-Denial

This is my first work ever, and it is still my favorite above all rest 20. The diagonal composition came so naturally as I painted over the collaged paper and photographs, and it has been my go to composition these days. Everything was unplanned, without any sketch. I just love that moment where the Holy Spirit really emerges into the surface and shapes, lines, and strokes appear from my fingertips. I felt that a lot on this one, and since this one it took a while for me to really try to mimic this because I just couldn’t! I guess I have to call it as a happy mistake also a guidance of the spirit.

The Sunday of the week I created this the sermon was about self denial. I don’t know why listening to the sermon it reminded me of this work. What a perfect title. Breaking and vanishing away from my own selfish desires but going towards a more whole, perfect shape of me in Jesus.

The Lantern

I did try the right composition but I am not really fond of it. Other than that, playing with overlaps of color and texture was so rich on this one. I love when things turn out so differently as I put layer on layer. Trust me I don’t look like that but I love being out of boundaries.. (laugh) Also this was the first one to use my fabric that I bought from Estes park, Colorado, for like $3. Adding my memories, vintage traces, is just a joy. I still have not figured out to push that more into my works, I’ll keep exploring.